Holdin' it down in the P.R.C.

I saw something absolutely amazing, but amazing isn't a big enough word to capture the incredible-ness of the event...

Let me hit you with the punchline:

I saw a man kill a pigeon with his face.


I was walking home from school. I was walking next to a wrought iron fence on the shoulder of the street. Over to my left, I saw a white pigeon being pursued by a bird of prey. It looked like a hawk, but I'm no ornithologist so don't hold me to that, ok?

The pigeon swooped down and zipped between the bars of the fence. His nemesis was too large and had to pull out to avoid the fence. The pigeon was still flying low, probably basking in his outmaneuvering abilities. The pigeon was about five feet off the ground and flying perpendicular to the street.

A man was riding down the street on his tricked out Chinese motor scooter. He wasn't wearing a helmet. Bad move pengyou. Guess what happened?

The man killed the pigeon with his face!

Immediately after impact the pigeon hit the ground and slid under a parked van without a flutter or twitch. The man came to stop and just looked around blankly. He didn't know what had hit him because the bird was hidden from view. He wasn't bleeding but he was dazed; the side of his face was already turning red. I was awestruck. I was only ten feet away when it happened.

I tell you this truthfully - I would have given a kidney to have known right then how to say, "you just killed a pigeon with your face!" in Chinese.

check these guys out:

Flight of the Conchords

myspace.com/conchords
hbo.com/conchords

They call me the Hiphopopotamus
Flows that glow like phosphorous
Poppin' off the top of this esophagus
Rockin' this metropolis
I'm not a large water-dwelling mammal
Where did you get that preposterous hypothesis?
Did Steve tell you that, perchance?
Steve.
~ Jemaine, episode 103

I mentioned in a previous post that I like marinara sauce with Uyghur bread. I make the sauce once a week with powder sent from America and tomato paste from China. Always on Monday. Truth be told - its the highlight of my day.

I never ate breadsticks in America. I didn't have anything against them, but where there are breadsticks there is usually pizza. I focused on that. There is no pizza here...well, there is a Pizza Hut in the capital of the province, Urumqi, about 5 hours south of here.

Why then, this Marinara Monday? If you ever had Uyghur bread, you might understand. Uyghur bread, called this because of the ethnic minority group that makes it, is baked in a coal burning cement cylinder. The bread is slapped against the inside wall of the oven. The breadman pulls it out and flips it during the process. My favorite place is on the way home from school. The wall-eyed breadman serves up one yuan (13 cents) bread around six oclock as i am leaving school everyday. Its hot and soft and he puts diced onion in it. He always smiles. Betty and i eat a piece as we walk home every monday. Today our plastic bag was giving off steam because the weather was so cold and the bread was so hot. Oh! simple joy.

this photo was taken from my apartment looking onto the courtyard

Well...the internet was on the fritz yesterday. No blog - what a shame. Instead of posting, I frolicked and cavorted in the grass with my puppypal Roscoe. That's a lie. Yesterday was cold and windy. The kind of windy that cuts through your layers of clothing and makes you wish you were inside drinking hot cider. But it didn't make me want to drink hot cider because the smell of said drink has never appealed to me. I wanted some Butterfingers hot chocolate.


 Today I played basketball. The Leaders of the university get together in their nice gym (always locked unless they are there) 3 nights a week to play basketball.

 I really like basketball - I wish I could watch the Celtics play. I think they have a real shot at the championship this year. KG, Ray Allen, and Paul Pierce have the skill to rock the NBA this year. Good luck to them.

I digress.

 I play basketball with the college students outside on the playground a couple of times a week. As I mentioned, it has been getting pretty darn cold so outside games have come to a halt. My friend, Mr. Downstairs, told me about the leaders getting together and invited me to go with him. I had a really good time. Playing on hardwood is a vast difference from playing on cement. It was funny to watch the leaders play basketball. For the most part they were really good. it wasn't their skill that was funny. In between games they would smoke! I couldn't believe it. We were all standing around sweating. i just wanted to drink lots of water. They wanted the opposite of water. They wanted fire. Crazy guys. I'm looking forward to Monday and more basketball.


Here are some lyrics from "a glass can only spill what it contains" by mewithoutYou


I was halfway listening to what she thinks she knows
We're like children dressing in our parents' clothes, saying:

"Nobody knows me,
no one knows my name,
No, nobody knows me..."
I half-heartedly explained
but gave up peacefully ashamed
as a glass can only spill what it contains
we went to Portugal and Spain
and in her mind the entire time it rained!
a glass can only spill what it contains

an addendum to "Please Sing a Song or Do a Dance. Now."

Today I went to school and no students were walking around. I marched up to the fourth floor and walked into my class staring at my watch. I looked up and saw 24 pairs of eyes staring back at me. One set of eyes belonged to a teacher I had never seen. The students giggled and  I apologized. I found my teaching partner Nancy and asked what was going on:
 
"Nancy, what time is it? Is the bell schedule off today?"
smile "Nobody told you?" smile
"No, I didn't hear anything."
"Oh, the students are taking midterm tests." smile
"Great. "

My great lesson plan of watching the second half of Back to the Future went right down the drain because I was left in the dark.

Some more things I like:

1 - McCormick marinara spice packets ~ They really hit the spot with some Uyghur bread.

2 - Inexpensive DVDs ~ 9 seasons of Seinfeld for 15$!
3 - 1st graders

Thanks to the internet I am able to stay up on all non-firewalled stuff happening in America but sometimes it takes awhile for me to hear about things. Like MTV's Rob and Big, my new favorite show. Have you seen this? It's a hilarious show about a 300 pound security guard and his 140 pound professional skateboarding roommate/boss. I've watched almost all of them thanks to MTV posting their shows on-line. I suggest it if you haven't seen it already -

http://www.mtv.com/ontv/dyn/rob_and_big/series.jhtml

 In other news, I am showing Back to the Future to my senior 1 classes. They really like it, but I was surprised how often they cuss in this PG movie. I guess when I am at the apartment watching it I don't notice it. But throw in 22 15 year old Chinese kids who seem to only be able to remember english swear words and every bomb dropped catches my attention. So why am I watching a movie? Am I lazy and unoriginal? Betty might say yes...

 In my class I have a teaching partner, a Chinese teacher who can help explain difficult concepts to the students in Chinese. My friend Helen is my teaching partner in Senior 1. Helen and her husband just had a baby girl(btdubs - Chinese thoughts on pregnancy are out of this world...maybe fodder for another post)! While she is out, a Junior English teacher, Nancy, is filling in for her. Nancy, like me, doesn't really care for Senior students because they are lazy and they like it like that. Nancy asked if we would be watching any movies because she was tired of the students. I grudgingly agreed to her request...rriigghhtt.

Fun bullets:

-It came out last year, but mewithoutYou's third album Brother Sister is great. When these guys have kids they'll be down with Elimination Communication.

-There is only one time in China, Beijing Time. China is bigger than the ol' US but they only have 1 time zone. Urumqi, the capital of the province I live in is 2050 miles from Beijing. The upside of this~ Roscoe wakes me up to take him out when the sun rises, 830 thank you very much!

-I watched Amelie with Betty. I used to work at a video store. This title was very popular but I never got around to watching it. It's a lot of fun and in French. I don't know French but I am used to hearing people talk and not understand them. Unlike my daily life, this movie is subtitled in english.

We were wed in June of 2005. My Bride and I moved to my hometown because I was offered seasonal employment in a company I could really get behind. I thought maybe something would come from it - ojt and a shiny star on my resume for like minded companies.
 
 Betty supported me in this decision. Which was kind of her because it was a stressful decision and made some problems for us in the infancy of our marriage. She got a good job that offered insurance and we started our life together. We would talk about where we wanted to go and what we wanted to see. When we were dating we thought it would be fun to go into the Peace Corp or a similar organization to do some "free" travelling. Our desire to get out of the country increased as our job-life became more frustrating.

 We heard about a teaching opportunity in China from some friends. In march of 06 we met with the VP of recruiting for the private school. He told us the in-and-outs of the job and showed us some pictures. It sounded good - real good. Because by this time, Betty was bored to death at her job and ready to jump out of the plate glass window and my seasonal employment ended leaving me working at a sub-par job that made me hate my life.

 By May we were in China. A lot of things had to happen to get here so fast. The best part for me was quitting my job. I had two bosses and I told each one separately what was happening. I told the boss I liked that Betty and I were leaving the country. He stared at me open-mouthed before saying, "You've gotta be shittin' me!" I wish I could have taken a picture; one of the best reactions I have ever witnessed. The other boss didn't even know I was married...


voila!

some jams I like right now:

Travis Barker remix of Crank Dat Soulja Boy
Jimmy Eat World - Chase this Light
Biffy Clyro remix of Umbrella
anything by Ingrid Michaelson
 

Today was class picture day!

But I didn't know that. !Bonus! - I woke up late and didn't have time to shave. My first graders liked that...

In America you get notices warnings heads-ups etc. In China, somebody walks up to you and says, "Today is ____."

Or even better, I get invited somewhere, for what I assume is "fun", and then on arrival I am told that I need to perform. Example:

During the Christmas season last year Betty and I were invited  by the Foreign Affairs office to a swank local hotel for a western dinner. Also invited were Mr. and Mrs. Downstairs and Mr. Upstairs, our neighbors and fellow foreigners. Once we got to dinner we were told that we would be participating in some games at the dinner. The host/mc kept asking for volunteers to participate. Surprisingly, he only chose people devoid of Asian ancestry. The highlight of the night was when we were told we were going next door to sing Christmas carols to the childrens restaurant.

I was irritated. I refused to play games and I feigned ignorance when beckoned. Unfortunately a house divided cannot stand, so when the others agreed to go next door and put on the "foreign pony show" I had to go too. We sang our songs and waved to a smattering of applause.

Leaders in China are used to saying something and having it done immediately, no advanced notice needed or given. Because, to my way of thinking, people are a vast, easily replaceable resource in China. If a Leader is displeased with a worker, fire him or her and find a similarly skilled worker. As I've mentioned before, foreigners in this city are a limited resource and because of our western upbringing, we don't find it too difficult to say no. Leaders don't know how to handle that.
Don't misunderstand, we try to be as flexible as possible and roll with the punches but sometimes we have to say no. and then say no again because people assume we didn't understand the command.